port-man-toes: the aroace - queercrip - transmad - neuroqueer erotics of digital collaboration

S. Cavar + ulysses/constance bougie


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An email exchange shared as an image on a cellphone, transcribed below

[screenshot of an email which reads: "C Bougie (via Google Docs) / Document shared with you: title kjdcsjkncsdnkj"]

Cavar: Jfisdhfjehsfdsj I love u no romo

Cavar: Still need 2 listen to your voice memos, will do today!

Ulysses: Lol that's fair! And [sunglasses emoji] [sunglasses emoji] [green heart]

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Text message exchange between Cavar and Ulysses, transcribed below


Cavar: I want to do it as a dialogue

Cavar: like....I write 1 p you write 1 p, back and forth, constrained

I've heard people in rhet/comp studies say that constraints aren't necessarily bad at all when one is composing something (or looking at something someone else has made), but I like taking that idea into a more kinky space bless, not just using a medium or context's constraints to one's advantage but reveling in those constraints—like, if I've tied myself up with rope, which takes a lot of effort lol, so not often—but the best part of that is straining against the ropes and being stopped—interestingly, I still feel boxed in inside elevators, but rope is alright—maybe because I know I can get out of it, I suppose. It's all about the feel, not about actually binding myself up for good. Is bondage just a thing that isn't about its (rope) end/s but its substance (the feel of the rope)?

Ulysses: Sent the couple notes I have to your gmail!!

Yesss constrained

Ulysses: (Queerness is making our big ass google doc but also digging the kinkiness of constrained composition djdjjdjdj)

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Text message exchange between Ulysses and Cavar, transcribed below

Ulysses: Djjdjdj at me sitting here like "maybe it'd be okay to start periods again that could be like cool theoretically to write about jdjdjdj I think T is actually cheaper though lolol or about the same price so eh


Ulysses: Fuck I gotta read that book lol

Cavar: it's....a lot

Cavar: Not a fan tbh it's one of those posthuman screeds obsessed with its own edginess. but YMMV haha

Ulysses: Lol about to write about detransitioning and transitioning at the same time or some shit jdjdjdj

Ulysses: And ooo noted but I was a Ulysses bitch so like I could still like it possibly [eyes emoji] [eyes emoji]

Ulysses: Lol do dislike or don't use the word transition for myself though; I guess it's just very bioessentialist? I'm just vibing bless

Cavar: I sometimes use transition as a shorthand to talkabout My Surgeries and such, but tbh I find it most useful to talk about my ideological and political transitions from a cisheteronormative framework to a trans one; a transition from this reified and binary understanding of gender to an expansive and ultimately anti- or ante- gender one. My political transition has been greater and more meaningful than any biomedical intervention could EVER be