In response to  Letter 136 in Volume III, Debra noted that Anna believes that their identities are set: “You can no more go out of your road, than I can go out of mine. It would be a pain to either to do so: What then is it in either’s approving of her own natural bias, but making a virtue of necessity.” Nevertheless, they each insist on trying to get the other to change. Anna’s refrain: “Marry Lovelace”: Clarissa’s “Obey your Mother.” These are the canonical narratives of female identity which the novel both endorses and challenges. Rachel agreed that Anna and Clarissa “do play out these cultural female roles, arguing (though politely) for each to listen to the other, to see reason.” She also noted how stubborn each of them is, suggesting that despite their circumstances they see themselves, at some level, as “individual agents.”

We also get some sense of Clarissa and Lovelace’s attempts to understand the “self” of the other, particularly by looking at each other’s eyes. In Letter 125, Clarissa says that “We are both great watchers of each other’s eyes; and, indeed, seem to be more than half afraid of each other.” This is a rather remarkable insight so early in the book. Keri noted us that this is only one of many references to non-verbal communication. But, Steve reminded us that Lovelace deceives with his looks too, and that he is a better reader of Clarissa than she is of him.