And now, my dear, proceeds she, I am more and more convinced, that I am too much in his power to make it prudent to stay with him. And if my friends will but give me hope, I will resolve to abandon him for ever.
O my dear! he is a fierce, a foolish, an insolent creature!—And, in truth, I hardly expect that we can accommodate. How much unhappier am I already with him than my mother ever was with my father after marriage! since (and that without any reason, any pretence in the world for it) he is for breaking my spirit before I am his, and while I am, or ought to be [O my folly, that I am not!] in my own power.
Till I can know whether my friends will give me hope or not, I must do what I never studied to do before in any case; that is, try to keep this difference open: and yet it will make me look little in my own eyes; because I shall mean by it more than I can own. But this is one of the consequences of all engagements, where the minds are unpaired—dispaired, in my case, I must say.
I also posted Clarissa's response to the letter-stealing episode that Lovelace details in his letter to Belford. This response from Clarissa indicates her perception of her complete lack of agency and the hope that she finds in her friends. Again, it is interesting to think of the ways that Clarissa's hope in her friends can help her regain some power and authority over Lovelace.
It is also interesting that Clarissa is willing (though reluctantly) to work against her principles. She will keep the difference between Lovelace and her "open" until she finds out whether her family will rescue her. But she admits this is something she has "never studies to do before in any case" (that is dissemble), and it will make her "look little" in her own eyes.
Your point is interesting, Debra, especially considering our discussions of Clarissa's “lack of hope” in other letters in this volume. Her willingness to “keep the difference between Lovelace and her 'open' until she finds out whether her family will rescue her” here seems to be a very subtle indicator that she does, in fact, have a small sliver of hope left. And perhaps this little bit of hope she retains gives her agency that I did not see before.